011913 Hawks at Kings

[ionthesparrow]

Guess what? It’s time for everyone’s favorite off-season activity – which is, “ionthesparrow obsessively re-watches and re-caps games she plans on writing about.” This time, for reasons that have a great deal to do with PUCKLING, this means re-watching the 2013 Kings-Hawks games.

I know. Trust me, I know. Do you need a minute, Hawks fans, to stare dreamily off into the middle distance? And likewise, I’ll give the Kings fans a moment to throw up in their mouths. Just a little. Ugh.

Game 1 of the season series was, in fact, Game 1 – like, you know, the season opener and I cannot get across to you in a reasonable word count all the reasons this game is painful to watch. (An aside: I watched this game, the first time mind you, in a bar at LA Live – mere yards from the stadium because despite my inability to get tickets, I felt an inexplicable urge to just be near the banner as it went up. I went with one other Kings fan and one Hawks fan, decked in her Toews jersey, who kept getting fist-bumps from other Visiting Fans. But I digress).

But oh those heady days of January – we were all ecstatic that hockey was being played at all. It almost felt unreal. It felt like a privilege just to hand money over to the NHL. The first shot, of course, is of the retired numbers: 30, 16, 18, 99, 20. A view with which I, my usual seats being very close to the rafters, am familiar with. But it still makes me smile Because Vachon. Because Luc. Because Gretzky.

Anyway. Bob runs us through the usual facts about the playoff run: 8th seed. Ten straight road game victories in the playoffs (JFC, how crazy was that in hindsight?), etc, etc. And this I think, this will be the most painful part.

Ha.

Then they show us baby pictures of the team. “Right,” I say. And grab a drink. Forewarning: I am not planning on stopping drinking until this fucking thing is over.

This baby picture montage (“holy fucking shit, Kopi looks exactly the same at age 10 as he does now!”) is set to MCR’s Black Parade. Because of course it is.

And then, then, they show us Nancy Anschutz*, Tim Leiwicke**, Dean Lombardi***, and Luc Robataille**** on the ice.

* Later briefly put the team up for sale before deciding against it.

** Left us for the Leafs (the Leafs)

*** You mad genius you, never leave

**** Be still my heart.

 

 

And then they intro the coaches, including giving us our first glance of Davis Payne who is terrifying. So instead of focusing on his movie villain looks, let’s look at something nicer.

That’s better, isn’t it?

Oh, and of course there’s still this guy:

Who you can also safely file under “mad genius”

The players skate out to get their rings. Right, okay, I can handle this. This isn’t so bad. Here for example is Richie:

Please take note of that face, because I firmly believe that this game was the last time he cut his hair/shaved/washed this entire season. But hey. I’m good. This is nothing. Okay – maybe watching Scuderi skate out hurts a little. Or Mitchell –

Oh god, Mitchie. Fuck.

The Kings take up positions around the ice and the Cup is brought out to “Sometimes I Get A Get A Good Feeling” because this is, after all, LA.

They pass it to each other in a big ring around the ice:

Ughhh…. Drew. Okay. That was probably the worst part. I can probably handle this from here.

…and then Kopi gives the cup one last pat before returning it gently to the table. Fuck, fuck, fuck. The ceremony has now hit the twenty minute mark or so, and I’m cracking my next beer.

The banner (the Banner) is brought out:

If you’re wondering who those people are, we have Vachon – winningest Kings goalie ever, and the family of a Sandy Hook kid, and Marcel Dionne – who I believe holds the points record for the Kings franchise. If you are asking yourself, “Self, why is there a Sandy Hook family here at the LA Kings banner raising ceremony?” Well. Then you are asking a good question.

Here is the banner:

I do love looking at that thing. Sighs. Takes drink.

Okay. Christ. The game can’t be any worse than that.

Here are your announced lines:

Chicago:

13 Carcillo – 19 Toews – 81 Hossa (started)

10 Sharp – 36 Bolland – 88 Kane

29 Bickell – 65 Shaw – 25 Stalberg

52 Bollig – 16 Kruger – 67 Frolik

2 Keith - 7 Seabrook (started)

17 Brookband – 8 Leddy

4 Hjalmarsson – 27 Oduya

50 Crawford (started)

(remember when everyone wasn’t sure this kid was any good?)

LA:

12 Gagne – 10 Richards – 23 Brown

25 – Penner – 77 Carter – 14 Williams

74 King – 28 Stoll – 22 Lewis (started – mostly, sub Cliffy for Kinger)

13 Clifford – 24 Fraser – 71 Nolan

7 Scuderi – 8 Doughty

27 Martinez – 26 Voynov

44 Drewiske – 2 Greene

32 Quick (started)

(I like to call these Sutter’s, “Eh – why not?” lines. They didn’t last.)

At the outset of the game we are bemoaning the fact that Kings are down Kopitar due to a knee injury and Mitchell due to a knee injury. And Jonathan Toews has a cold. No seriously.

THE FIRST

The first faceoff and the puck goes directly back to Keith. Hawks maintain possession, cause an early flurry of activity in front of Quick. Doughty eventually clears and chips it in. The Hawks regroup and attack again – playing much like a group of humans that has not spent the last half-hour slack-jawed, staring up at the ceiling in awe of their own past accomplishments. Sharp attempts to carry it in and gets dropped at the blueline by your favorite American defenseman and mine, Matt Greene. (Have you met Matt Greene? You should probably meet Matt Greene.

Holds the record for the second-best elbows on the Kings.

Uh, yeah. That might be a penalty.

Your LA Kings First Unit Penalty Kill: 22, 28, 7, 8

Your Chicago Blackhawks First Unit PP: 7, 19, 81, 65

Then Lewis does this:

Lewie? They’re kinda touchy about that guy’s head. You dig?

5 on 3.

…and then Chicago sends out this: 10 – 81 – 88 – 19 – 2. If that doesn’t scare you then… I have no idea what would.

L.A sends out 7 – 8 – 28 – an a sincere prayer.

Two things about the goal that Chicago scores (because, duh. Right?) 1) Here is a picture that doesn’t tell you much, but what it represents is Hossa working for this goal.

Get it, you Slovakian wall.

This goal is all fucking Hossa man. He is – he is really fucking good, let’s be honest. He fucking works for it every step of the way. He crashes. He is the reason I sort of laugh when people say Chicago doesn’t have size. This man? He is size.

And (2) Who eventually puts it in the net? That would be your eventual Conn Smythe winner, Patty Kane.

For those of you who can’t see him in this picture, that is because he is not in the above picture. And that is why he scored. He did it from a sharp (read: impossible) angle to Quick’s left. Patrick Kane: best when he’s just fast enough to be invisible.

The miserable little fucker.

Then we get some scrummy action. Shaw’s in the middle of this one (raise your hand if your shocked). And Fraser’s never content to let anyone else have the last word, so:

You know. Like you do when it’s your former teammates. And Kruger really did just give him a whack, so fair’s fair, right?

Some fourth pairing matchup minutes that the Blackhawks come out on top of, and then, you know what? Let’s watch Captain Brown do something nice. Because it’s my blog and this game’s about to go to absolute shit:

Thattaboy, Captain. He drew a penalty at the end there (slashing on Hossa, because… reasons). Which the Kings fail to convert on (Kings’ PP units: 10-28-8-12-23, 77-25-14-26-27; Chicago PK: 2-7-19-16).

Quick notes:

- Shaw playing really deep on the forecheck, a la one K. Clifford.

- Kruger and Carcillo are splitting time on the first line

- You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything slower than Jeff Carter headed back towards his own zone.

- Hey! Bollig finally gets some ice time (with 16 and 67)

- Chicago maintains possession without getting any really dangerous shots off

- No, you know what, I just found something slower than Carter. It’s Richards, but just, like, all the time.

After almost… a year? Holy shit. Obsessively tracking Richards and Carter while watching games, it’s kinda hard to not pay attention to them. But at the risk of spoilers, they are not who I care about in this game. And, at eight minutes left in the period, guess who finally has a nice shift:

This kid!

That’s a shitty picture you say? True. But that is because he is going so fast. Love that kid. Backchecking like a motherfucker here. If only he weren’t so abysmal and actually, you know, scoring goals.

There is some glorious 13-on-13 violence, and then Hossa does this:

Ugh.

Goal, Chicago. Not, by the way thanks to any doing of Jonathan Toews. That was a deflection off Doughty’s skate. Motherfucker.

Carter drives the net on his next shift, but is denied by Crawford. Then Chicago’s fourth line comes out against the King’s first. Kruger dekes around Matt Greene who is… Well.

I know this is a shitty screen grab. My feed’s all wonky right now (it’s probably my computer crying). But that red arrow? That is Matt Greene. That green arrow? That is where Matt Greene should be.

Kruger with the deke and the carry. Frolik with the shot. A nice, loud ringing goal post and in. Ugh. There is not enough beer in the world for this.

Quick notes to end out the first:

Williams hits Shaw:

Shaw gets his revenge:

(Shawsy: what the fuck is going on in this picture?)

Williams draws the penalty.

The PP:

- God this PP is depressing.

- Oh, hey. Remember Gagne?

- 14 drives the net, 25 and 77 chase rebounds

- Kings manage… a grand total of 2 shots

Doughty with a nice save (Bickell). Scuderi with a nice save on Shaw (nice that someone’s making them. Ahem. Quickie.) Lewis with a shot directly to Crawford’s chest.

THE SECOND:

(much quicker because there’s only so much of this I can take)

Chicago with possession (19) on the opening faceoff. Turnover in CHI’s zone, takeaway by Lewis, who pitches it at Crawford. (I fucking love you kid, I wish you were better at shooting, though). Kings maintain most of the possession for the first minute and then –

The next goal is actually too depressing to talk about.

Okay. Fine. But don’t expect adjectives.

Puck to Kane on a turnover high in Chicago’s zone. Kane with the breakaway. Quick with the save. Toews all alone as the trailer. Toews puts it in. Oh, go watch the fucking goal video, it’s only the most embarrassing thing ever.

Kings players on the ice for that monstrosity: 10-23-12-26-27.

Yeah.

And then, who, with just moments left in the period scores for the Kings? Is it one of the top liners paid big bucks to score goals? Is it one of the grinders stepping up like last years playoffs? Is it Doughty or Voynov, their rock star offensive Dmen?

No.

It is ROB SCUDERI.

Yeah, that’s the face he made afterward. Vets know better than to celebrate a goal in a 4-1 game.

Wait. What? That most defensive of defensemen. From the point (obviously) through traffic (obviously) as set up by the best player in this game, Kyle Clifford.

Wait. WHAT?

I know. January was weird times, friends.

THE THIRD

All you need to know about the Third is that LA finally (mostly) got their shit together. And that Nolan scored from Greene. And then Chicago scored immediately after. Hossa (who else?) My feed’s gone too shitty to pull any more screen caps though. Or I’m drunk. One of those reasons.