ionthesparrow

[cont from this entry]

So meanwhile...

While Alex was busy fighting for his job with this guy:

"Hi" "Hi"

(or maybe you prefer this view?)

ANYWAY. AHEM.

Dustin Colquitt was busy punting for the chiefs:

Say hi, Dustin

And, why yes, he does always look this ridiculous:

tongue. that is all.

Except when he is looking EVEN MORE ridiculous (and patriotic):

he does seem to have mixed up the location of heart and stomach, though

You want to go even goofier and more patriotic than that? We can do that.

oh yes we can #selfiesforUSA

Dustin was also drafted in 2005 (by the Chiefs (third round, not too shabby for a punter)) and here is your obligatory baby picture:

Come on you guys. Fucking awww

(Colquitt was around, btw, when the Chiefs were on the 2007 season of Hard Knocks. If you want to watch him play a particularly low brow and juvenile prank on one of his teammates, all the while cracking himself up, watch Episode 2. I won't ruin it for you, but HINT: dick joke)

But, I know you're asking yourself at this point, WTF? Why a punter? Why this particular, goofy-looking punter?

Well. Uh, I don't know exactly. Mostly it comes down to the fact that I've been fascinated with punters and kickers for years. They are a part of the team and yet apart from it. Their work is incredibly high-stakes, high-pressure, and they have to be able to execute over and over again. And yet, because it's so different from what the rest of football players do, and likely in part due to the fact that it's low-contact they're often looked down on. (part of it is that bc they're so specialized, they get out of alot of team meetings and end up with more free time at camp/practice. Jamaal Charles has feelings about this.

So 'Special Teams' form their own weird little clique. They stand out. They're the weird guys.

Especially punters. Because, lets face it, if you're team is punting, something's gone wrong.

And yet it's a job that's vitally important and can make all the difference between a successful defensive outing and an easy TD for the other team. There is a fantastic book about kicking, football culture, the locker room, etc called A Few Seconds of Panic and ANYONE who is at all interested in football should read it. If you want more examples of cool punters/kickers, you need look no further than Chris Kluwe and his advocacy (he blew up the internet, for example, just today)

Other awesome special teams guys?

Well, sometimes punters are so good it even takes the league by surprise, for example when Steve Weatherford pulled off a tackle (a not-very-frequent accomplishment for a punter) he got drug tested.

This also happened to Colts' punter Pat McAfee. McAfee finds the time to be a stand up comic as well as a punter, and he breaks down his tackle and the resulting drug test in a bit here. (it's totally worth your time, PS)

Here, btw, is Colquitt tackling someone:

take a good, long look. it doesn't happen often

And sometimes, your kicker provides the only points your team scores, a la Justin Tucker.

And when you kick a really excellent punt, you should be allowed to celebrate.

So what goes into punting? Well. It's pretty simple. You catch the ball from the long snapper, you drop it:

Drop. Kick.

And you kick it:

ladies and gentlemen, can I bring your attention to his hips?

like I said, hips

Dustin's job duties also include holding the ball for placekicker Ryan Succop, which means taking the snap:

And holding, like so:

pay no attention to the line of large men trying to kill you

And making jokes about being a 'ball holder'. Lots and lots of jokes.

Every once in a very, very long while, a coach will let them run a fake punt, or a trick play, and then things like this happen, and it is AWESOME).

Dustin is deeply religious, and as such, successful kicks and punts require thanking god:

But on this earthly plane, it also just means being besties with your kicker:

i<3u, bro

Dustin is really good at his job. Like, really good. Like sent to the pro bowl in 2012 good:

here he is with other Chiefs invitees, Hali, Berry, and Charles.

Going to the pro bowl, despite being a silly, pointless exercise, has its benefits:

high five. no? okay, that's cool too.

(PS: Dustin won the popular voting portion of which punter should go to this year's pro bowl, but was not selected for... I don't know. Because the universe likes to make me mad, I guess)

Punting comes naturally to Dustin, at least in part because he's from a family of punters: